tales of Troy and Chad
by Elena Ryan
Summary: Troy and Chad share funny stories about their everyday lives. Now a three-shot!
1. Chad Danforth

"_Ladies and gentlemen! A native from Albuquerque, and a funny guy! CHAD DANFORTH!" _announced the Emcee over the roar of the cheering crowd. Chad Danforth came bounding out with an excited, child-like smile on his face.

"Hey! What's up Santa Fe!" he yelled, earning another cheer for him in the crowd. "Oh wow, this is such good turn out…wow…you guys are awesome." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and gripped the microphone tightly,

"Y'know, my life right now is great, I just celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary, and my daughter learned to drive—which be sure to thank your lucky stars that you live _here_ and not where we live because—" a deep guffaw escaped his throat "—my daughter is just the worst driver ever!" the audience laughed.

"I mean, when I was teaching her to drive my neighbor came up to me the next day…."

"_Hey, Danforth," asked his neighbor, Tyrone Williams, "when did you get a stereo system in your car?" Chad stopped what he was doing—which happened to be cleaning the gutters of his house, he climbed down the ladder and faced his neighbor, wiping his hands on the washcloth that he always kept in his back pocket that he had with him when he did odd jobs around the house. _

"_Stereo system? What do you mean, I didn't get no stereo system…" Tyrone looked at him, a confused look on his face. _

"_Well, yesterday when you and your daughter were at the corner, I heard something that sounded"—he put a hand over his mouth and imitated a booming, bass dropping stereo—"BOOM BOOM BOOM!" Chad gave a small sheepish smile. _

"_Uh, that wasn't a stereo system," Chad said, hoping those words would be enough to clear up the misunderstanding. _

"_Then what was it?"_

_Uh—oh, it should've been expected to be asked this question. Chad ran a hand through his hair, but he answered without skipping a beat, "it was me stomping on the imaginary brakes on the passenger side of the car…"_

The audience roared with laughter when Chad finished the story, even Chad himself chuckled lightly. "You cannot make that up, its honestly too stupid to make up…ha." The audience finished up their laughter.

"Y'know, it makes you proud that when your kids are just little and they are literally attached to your hip and want to do everything together," the audience whooped in agreement and cheered lightly, "yeah, so you guys get it, but you parents know how it is when they grow up and it stops being you and your kids to your kids and the weird friends that they bring home

"Like—I'll tell you a story, a short one, but a story; my daughter has this friend who is into the goth scene and I got to know…what is with these freaks?"

The audience laughed, "I mean, the black clothing, black hair, black nails, white paper face—I'm sorry, but didn't we used to call that 'Halloween'?"

"_Daddy?" asked 16 year old Christina Danforth, _

"_yeah sweetheart," Chad said looking up from his work—and by work, I mean the basketball game that was playing and currently being overran by his number one team. The Redhawks. _

"_I want you to meet my friend…Lucy" Chad turned to his daughter to see a….well, something…standing next to her, did this chick have any other color scheme other than black? Chad tried to keep all sarcastic comments to himself. _

_He stood up, held out his hand and said, "Well hello Luci….fer" and what he got was a gasp of sarcastic shock from Christina and a glare beyond all evil from her friend. _

"I kid all you guys NOT," Chad said, the audience still dying down from the story. "if looks could kill, this chick looked at me as if saying, 'I will set you ablaze right now'" the audience then again, erupted in a fit of chortles and chuckles.

Chad couldn't help but laugh as well, "Then there's the boys that we have to worry about, and my wife keeps asking telling me that I got to be nice—here's a great example!"

"Last month, me and the family were all at the lake and it is about 3:35 in the morning when the phone rings…"

"_Chad, get the phone…" said Sharpay Evans-Danforth, groaning as the loud ringing of the phone buzzed loudly through the master bedroom of the lakeside cabin, Chad groaned turning over on his side. _

"_Shar, babe, you get it—"_

"_I'm asleep, you get it…" she groaned, pulling the cover's off of him, he shivered as the warmth of the blankets was replaced by freezing cold air. He groaned exasperatedly, reaching over to grab the phone that sat on the side table on his side of the bed. _

"_Hello?" he asked, his voice dripping with sleep, but soon went away real quickly when he heard the voice on the other end. _

"_Uh, is Christina there?" Chad's eyes widened with anger and annoyance, and he couldn't stop the words that came out of his mouth._

"_Boy, if you have any brains in that hard skull of yours you will hang up the phone right now!" and the teenage boy on the other end couldn't have hung up any faster than he did. Chad huffed, slamming the phone back in its cradle and went back to bed, pulling the covers back over himself and nearly falling asleep, that is until Sharpay said,_

"_Chad, you've got to be nice…" she said, turning her head to face him. Chad instantly to eyeball her tired but annoyed face. _

"_NO! NO! NO!" chad yelled, "No ma'am! Nice ends at midnight!"_

The audience laughed harder than before,

_Sharpay rolled her eyes, turning her back to her husband and falling asleep once again. _

"Then my wife started asking me what I'll do when Christina starts dating before we got the call," Chad took a deep breath, the audience dying down once again. Sometimes he—actually, all the time—loved the adrenaline he got from being up here and the joy he got from making people laugh like this.

"And I said, 'honey, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it'…"

"_Chad seriously," Sharpay asked, aggravated that her husband was avoiding the question. "what are you going to do when our daughter starts dating because the way you've been acting—and especially at the lake—"_

"_Hey! That was fairness on my part because that numbskull of a boy called at 3 fricking 35 in the fricking morning!" Chad defended himself. _

"_Well that doesn't matter Chad," Sharpay said, crossing her arms and sitting next to her husband. "but what will you do when our baby girl stars growing up and dating…"_

"_Babe, you want to know what'll do, I'll tell you what I'll do…"_

_Sharpay listened intently, interested in what he would do. "First, I'll put my arm around his shoulders and lean up to him so only he can hear what I'll say, and I'll say, 'Boy' he stared intently into Sharpay's eyes, 'boy, look at me, you see that girl over there? She's my world, she's my little girl, so if you think about kissing…and hugging….you just remember these words.' "He let a small extended silence lay between them for a second or two before finishing, " 'I got no problem going back to prison'"_

The audience laughed, and Chad bowed. "You guys were great! Now, I want you to keep the love flowing for my best friend TROY BOLTON!"

The audience stood up and applauded as the blue eyed hunk of man, Troy Bolton, came walking out with a glass of scotch and a cigarette in his mouth. Wearing a simple black pants suit.

**this is a two shot, I will post the second part later on…but I hope you enjoyed this part!**


	2. Troy Bolton

_The audience laughed, and Chad bowed. "You guys were great! Now, I want you to keep the love flowing for my best friend TROY BOLTON!"_

_The audience stood up and applauded as the blue eyed hunk of man, Troy Bolton, came walking out with a glass of scotch and a cigarette in his mouth. Wearing a simple black pants suit._

The audience applauded, seeing the hunk Troy Bolton smirk and take a sip of scotch and setting it down on the stool that stood proudly to the left of him. He grabbed the microphone, "Easy Seabuscuit" he said, the audience chuckled, Troy smirked; taking a slow drag on his cigarette. It was quiet for like a second before he asked,

"Have you ever taken a crap so big your pants fit better?" the audience laughed, Troy took another sip of scotch, "cause uh, I sure hope that that happens to me later this evening—cause these babies don't fit anymore" Troy gestured to his pants, and the audience roared with laughter.

"Like, I'm one big turd away from backing into an old wardrobe.." the audience's laughter turned to howls and died down slowly.

"Okay, let me tell you about myself," Troy said, grabbing the mic-stand and circling it between his fingers. "My name is Troy Bolton…and I hate thanksgiving." The audience chuckled lightly.

"My brother is a doctor and he just talks about all the neat lives he's saved and sister is a lawyer and she talks about all the people that she's…defended and saved…"

"_Mrs. Soloman was a total flatline, but I never gave up, I just kept using the shock paddles and eventually she came back to life…" said Byron Bolton, 33 years old, said while wolfing down a big gulp of turkey. Sally Bolton just smiled proudly at her second oldest son, __why can't Troy have a career like Byron?__, she thought. _

"_That's great honey, oh I'm so proud of you" Troy rolled his eyes at his mothers statement, stuffing his mouth with stuffing, cranberry sauce, and dark meat turkey. Sally Bolton turned to his sister—his baby sister. "Ramona, what about you?" she asked, "how's life as a lawyer?"_

_Ramona Bolton smiled, swallowing the bit of turkey meat that she chew promptly 25 times. "Well, I've won 30 cases so far and I've got on one the most extensive cases in the firm, so I'm pretty busy the last few weeks til now."_

_Sally smiled, her eyes glowing with bragging, until they darkened with disappointment as she turned to face Troy—who was still stuffing his face and sipping his third glass of scotch."Well, Troy," she said, it wasn't a question as Troy looked up with overstuffed cheeks—he swallowed in three gulps. "Anything new with your career?" everyone turned to him, waiting patiently. Now, normally, Troy wouldn't have a sarcastic attitude with his mother, but he would like to think that she started it. _

"_yeah" Troy said, pursing his lips out, _

"_and what would that be?" Byron asked snidely, "something about electrocuting yourself?"_

"_No…" Troy said, "but I got a new bit about sticking my pecker in a toaster!"_

The audience howled and hooted with laughter, Troy smiled hugely, "maybe I should've told you my story first." Again the audience howled.

Troy cleared his throat, putting on a serious mask. "Okay that's enough comedy, now I would like to take a minute to discuss fireworks safety, which is something I do before all my shows and I'll tell you why

"a few years ago, a friend of mine—Jason Cross—was at this fourth of July block party, and he had leaned too far back into the tent that was holding the main fireworks display for the evening and it ignited"—members in the audience 'awed' in sympathy—"and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up feeling horrible because I know that there was more that I could've done to prevent his death…."

Before he continued there was a pause, Troy took a slow drag and a sip of scotch before saying, "but it was so pretty."

"_Jason NO!—would you look at that?"_

The audience erupted with loud raucous laughter, when it died down, finished the last bit of scotch that was in the small glass and held his cigarette in his left hand, "I'm a dog lover" the audience cheered, "Well, actually I love my dog, I don't care about your dog, so I don't know if that's enough to make me a dog lover or not…" more exploding laughter.

_Troy was lounging lazily on his over stuffed leather couch, his bulldog Buck laying beside him snoring loudly. Troy smirked, seeing a bag of M&M's and a bowl of peanuts. He picked up the peanuts and lifted up the bulldogs jowls and put them between the spaces of his teeth; sniggering silently, then he took the M&M's and stuffed those between his teeth as well. _

"_Well, this is a good accomplishment," Troy joked, getting up and going to bed. _

_The following morning, Troy went to the living room to wake Buck, but what he saw was the funniest thing he'd seen. He could barely hold in his laughter. _

"_Oh Buck, you really know how to make a morning entrance…trying to get those junk out of your jowls." Troy laughed, looking at his dog that was licking his jowls like he was trying to get something out of the middle of his face, but couldn't reach._

_Troy laughed._

The audience laughed and Troy chuckled at their reaction. When the laughter died a bit—actually, it didn't even die down, but they still heard him. "I just got married a couple months ago and I've never been more happy in my life"—he held up his left hand to reveal a plain gold wedding band around his ring finger—"but have ya'll ever heard of 'screamers'? well, apparently my wife's never been with one before and on our honeymoon, I'm just going at it.." he imitated screaming,

"AHHH! AHHHH! AHHHHHH!" when the audience chuckled lightly, he continued knowing that they love his stories, "and she was like, 'what was that?' and I said, 'well, I'm a screamer baby'"—he took a drag from his cigarette—" 'daddy makes a little racket in the sack…'"

the audience laughed, he quickly changed subject when they died down. "I'm from Texas, I'm a cowboy—a real cowboy.." a few cheers of excitement were howled and hollered and hooted. Troy took a deep breath, "And it's affected me…now when I go to have sex I do this!" he stared jerking his left arm backwards like he was riding a wild bronco,

"now my wife is curious if I'm staying on for the _full eight seconds_," more laughter—loud and rambunctious. "so we just took the timer and set up right there in the bedroom, I taught her the meaning of the phrase 'most of the time'- of course its hard to be in there having sex with a rodeo clown in a barrel sitting in the corner of the bedroom watching."

He bounced on his feet and then widened his eyes into a creepy face, the audience laughed like wilkd children.

Troy chuckled, "if you ever get the chance to be married, marry a rich woman—well, my wife isn't rich, but her parents are lo-o-o-o-o-o-oa-a-a-a-a-d-d-d-d-ed-d-d-duh" he elongated the word, making his voice shake as he said it, "and they hate my gu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-t-t-t-t-t-t-s-s-s-s, and I'm waiting for them to di-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ie." The audience roared with laughter as Troy bowed; ending his humourous time on stage.

"YOU'VE ALL BEEN GREAT! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!" Troy called, bowing over and over again and winking teasingly at the women that howled with admiration. Damn, he was so sexy.

"_Ladies and gentleman, that was Troy Bolton and Chad Danforth, hope you all enjoyed the show and please buy tickets for the Denver show next month!"_

**REVIEW! **

**I am glad that the first chapter got great reviews, I hope that this second part was just as funny, OH! And for the links of the videos that this two-shot was inspired by, you might want to copy and paste these links into the URL bar at the top of the page:**

**(WARNING: they aren't the right clips, but you get to see the personalities that fit Troy and Chad soooo WELL!)**

**.com/watch?v=hdz_-06wGqc (Troy's personality)**

**.com/watch?v=dU4VL6jnJMA (Chad's personality—it's the voice that has the sarcastic ring to it…)**


	3. Together in Denver

The show in denver was a success, the crowd roared and cheered as Chad bowed, Troy had gone first, and gotten them warmed up. Sharing more hilarous tales of his everyday life, especially about his wife of 1 year and 2 months, Gabriella. Chad couldn't help but laugh from back stage. Remembering the funniest story that Troy ever told him about his wife, and the audience sure loved it.

_The audience grabbed their sore sides and wiped the laughing tears from their eyes. Troy chuckled, sipping his scotch, and setting the quarter full glass down with a 'clink'. "You all know when someone comes up to you and they know you're married, and their like, 'well you look good, your wife must be a really good coo-ook'" he elongated the word cook into a howling sound, the audience chortled, then he did it again, slouching his shoulders. "Bullshii-iit" the audience laughed,_

_"Of course she got better once she found out the smoke alarm wasn't a timer...I'm say to her, 'babe, the foods done before that particulare buzzer goes off'." the audience laughed, Troy took another sip of scotch and swiped his long, greased bangs out of his eyes and smiled like the red neck he was. "One day I was in Georgia in the lobby of a very expensive hotel, and the bellhop comes and tells me that I have an urgent call from my wife back in Texas and I just rushed to the phone at the main desk, knocking down very nice people in the very expensive hotel lobby...thinking it was my...in-laws." the audience laughed harder than before, at how he had said that...Troy chortled once, _

_"but, it turned out my wife was calling because my dog Buck-o had taken a dump on the new carpet, I'm 'shoot him!'" the audience laughed, "she said, 'that's very like you Troy, I have a serious problem and you're being sar-castic, I say, 'baby I'm sorry, put the dog on the phone, I'll talk to him._

_" 'well, what do you want me to do? I'm in GEOR-GIA! I can't pick up the turd!'" Troy looked around subtly, "'just put a paper towel over honey I'l clean it up when I get home'."The audience laughed and hooted and hollered, loving that joke. Troy chuckled, raising his arms and bowing, yelling a proud introduction of his friend Chad Danforth; who came out in a bound, like a little kid on too much sugar. _

If there's anything that they both enjoy its the feel of the adrenaline rush you get from being on stage in front of hundreds and then there's the joy of making other's laugh. Some didn't get why they did the career they did, but if you were to ask them, they would say that they just love to make people laugh.

_Chad grabbed the mic, "You all want to know the difference between men and women?" the audience whooped, "with men, everything is basic just basic. That's why ladies, the most common answer you get while asking men a question is 'I don't know', I got a great example: me and my friend Zeke were at the gym working out when he came out and said, 'hey man I'm getting a divorce,' I said, 'gee man, that sucks can you spot me?'" the audience laughed, _

_"That's it! That was our whole conversation! Then I went home and I told my wife 'hey Zeke's gettin' a divorce' and she freaked out 'Oh my god what happened?'" Chad stopped in the middle, his voice going a little deeper than normal as he said, "I don't know"_

_" 'well what do you mean you don't know? Was he cheating on her? Was she cheating on him?' I said, 'Again baby I don't know! You have a better chance of getting an answer out of the dog' and that's when it hit me, that's why dog's don't talk. They've learned._

_"she said, 'Chad how is it someone can tell you their getting a divorce and you don't ask any questions?' I said, 'baby cause he didn't ask me a question,'" Chad took a breath, "'if Zeke would have asked me 'hey what do you think of me getting a divorce?' I would've said, 'well you're gonna be dating again, you need to work on your abs.'_

_"No what he said was a statement, 'I'm getting a divorce,' which to me says, 'I've got enough handle on the situation that requires no input on your part'." The audience laughed and hollered, after Chad was done with his whole bit, he brought Troy back out and they both sat on stools, Troy had gotten a refill on his scotch, but had lost the cigarette and his hair was not as greasy and flopping in his gorgeous blue eyes. _

_And that's where they are now. _

Chad chortled, "Troy, I'm serious, you've got to tell the story of when you got thrown out of the bar in New York..." Troy laughed at the memory, rubbing his hands over his eyes, nodding Chad listened intently, ready to butt in when the time called for.

Troy held his microphone to his mouth, "I got throne out of a bar in New York City, and by thrown out, I don't mean that I excused myself to leave and I left with a pal and we said goodbye and went our separate ways, I mean that four bouncers hurled out of that bar; big guys who think bouncing is a cool job, they think of nothing to do but bouncing, they go home and fondle themselves cause they have no damn life-anyway, I walked into this bar and I was wearing this hat and this big guy with sausage like fingers poked me in the shoulder. he said, 'Take off the hat!'" Troy made an action that looked like a person jumping from being startled. "I asked him why, and he said, 'well gay guys in this city wear hats and we're trying to keep them out our club' I just rolled my eyes and said the smartest thing that I could think of,

"'really? well the only way we could tell that back in Texas is if they have hair like...yours.' and he just glared at me and left, so I took off the hat and orded the drink, but after a few hours I got up and I forgot-you ever forget? It happened to me." The audience howled and hollered. "so I put the hat back on and the same guy comes up to me and pokes me in the shoulder, demanding that I take off the hat, I was like 'I don't think so Scooter' and I was wrong.

"Six bouncers hurled from that bar; now I'm around 6'1" and 6'4" depending on which convenience store I'm leaving, but I backed down from this fight cause I didn't know how many of them it would take to whip my ass, pretty soon it wasn't long after that till the police showed up and I was handcuffed to a bench, with a busted chair at my feet that I refused to pay for-I refused to pay it because _we _broke it over _my _thigh- the cop said to me 'Mr Bolton you are being charged with drunk in pub-lic' I said 'whoa whoa whoa I was drunk in a bar; they threw me into pub-lic, I don't want to be drunk in public, I want to be drunk in a bar, that sounds fair, arrest them'

Troy took a breath, "I told you that story to tell you this story, when I was 17 I lived in Farswell, Texas and was arrested for a drunk in pub-lic charge-"

"There seems to be a pattern with that Troy," Chad said, mock seriousness Troy turned to him

"If you knew morse code you'd already know that." The audience just laughed, Troy and Chad chuckled. He continued, "So, I was arrested for drunk in public which I now understand was a bogus charge because the police was pulling every over on that particulare sidewalk, and that's profiling and profiling is wrong.

"This cop I'd known literally all my life, he's lived two doors down from me in a town less than 800 people-we've met. And he took me down to the station and asked if I have any alises, and I was only being a smartass when I said, 'yeah they call me...kickin' ass' now 17 years later I'm handcuffed to a bench outside out of a bar in New York City, with blood dripping down my face and the cop asks me, are you Troy 'kickin' ass' Bolton?'." The audience laughed when Troy finished, Chad patted him on the back as they both stood up and bowed.

"Thanks everyone! You've been great!" Chad yelled, the rush of the adrenaline and the warm glow of the stage lights giving him the comfort that most people don't have.


End file.
